…is most commonly what you tell yourself and others when you’re well aware that you are in dysfunctional relationship. Love is a strong and powerful blissful feeling that can become quite painful given the circumstance. So when does enough become enough and finally time to call it quits? This question has been posed by groups of “girlfriends” for generations and generations, probably since the beginning of time! Ok, I’m exaggerating, but you get my point. This old question has a never-ending slew of new conclusions that are made every time the topic is thrown around. Mainly caused by the unique ways in which we all calculate the different, indispensable, variables of life that shapes the very essence of an individual’s personality. As my mother would say, and her mother would say, “cada cabeza es un mundo” (SAP: every head/mind is its own world). I, being the hopeless romantic that I am, usually am chuck-full-a positivity and wishful thinking. However, I am also a realist that doesn’t run away from the truth that is staring at me dead in the face. With this healthy mixture, I’ve come to a very simple conclusion…. the time is (drum-roll please): whenever you’re ready. That’s it. Pretty simple huh? Now to elaborate.
See, we’ve all been in a relationship that wasn’t right for us or have been there for a friend(s) that seems to be stuck in a never-ending nightmare. The truth of the matter is that it’s always easier to assess a situation from the outside looking in, but from the outside you can not see what’s hidden in someone’s heart. This goes for both parties of course. Keep in mind there’s always exceptions to the rules, but as they say, never go by the exception and always stick to the rule. What I mean by this is: when you’re the person not able to pull yourself out of the dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship, it can be for a number of reasons that are always justifiable to you. Maybe you want to give this person another chance to change their ways because your still in love with them, or maybe your just afraid to be alone…whatever it may be, when it’s all said and done it comes down to you simply not being ready to go. Kind of like a ghost trapped in a parallel universe because of unfinished business. This is true for your friends as well, except it’s harder to see and understand why they may stick around when you clearly see the mistreatment or incompatibility.
Unfortunately, not realizing this factor can definitely make for a scary movie of your own between you and a loved one. The best thing to do is try to relate. If you lack that particular experience (which isn’t a bad thing); then think about it as a drug addiction. You can try to convince someone to check into rehab by going on and on about what’s best for them, talk till your face turns blue, but they will never seek sobriety unless they truly want it. Everyone’s threshold is different. Take a moment to accept that. Understand that some people can tolerate certain things more than others can, and vise versa. The important thing is not to be judgmental towards them or hard on your self – should you be the one starring in this soap opera. Do not ever allow others to pressure you into abandoning your relationship, nor should you ever be the person to apply it. That goes for everyone. Always remember, people operate at their own pace and will move on when and if they are good and ready. And if they don’t…they don’t. Also keep in mind that sometimes being too pushy can actually drive a person to want to stay even more. If they end up leaving they could quite possibly grow to resent you for being so persuasive in the matter, then relapse and get back with their Ex. Either way- not a good look.
Word(s) of advice: continue being honest about your standpoint, continue to offer your support as a friend/family member, and remind yourself that they will do what’s right for them (whatever that maybe) when the time is right. Like I always say, everything will work itself out in the end. Should the outcome of the condemned and excommunicated relationship, be a classic storybook fairytale, then not to worry. Those that truly care for you are only concerned for your happiness and wellbeing, so they will be happy for you as long as those 2 things aren’t being jeopardized. Now, if it turns out that they were right about the whole relationship being a catalyst of mass destruction and all; don’t beat yourself up for trying. Try having a Jayska moment-think positive (I too have been there and lived to tell the story). Try to envision it as a lesson learned, and never as a loss. In time you will see that in fact you actually gained from this experience. So relax, it is all for the best and one day you’ll find your true love and happiness.